


Something About Pain

by Jaderade



Category: Veronica Mars (TV), Veronica Mars - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-09-19 08:51:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9431513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaderade/pseuds/Jaderade
Summary: Missing scene from Spit and Eggs, right after Logan breaks up with Veronica. Veronica's POV





	

“…but you never need anything…”Logan gave Veronica one last pitiful look, waiting for her to say something, anything to push every word he had said back into his mouth. Make it untrue.

 

But he was right. Better to take a bearable amount of pain now. Avoid the future pain.

 

If this was bearable, imagine the horror of the future unknown, Veronica thought. She knew pain. The lonesome pain of being a social outcast. The unending sharpness of pain that is the death of close friends. The shameful pain of not quite knowing what happened the night before, but a throbbing sense that everything was changed and unfixable. Hell, she’d been locked in an uncomfortable trunk, forced a car wreck, been tased with her own weapon, drugged, and beaten. Veronica was a close and personal friend of pain. And it’s not like she hadn’t been dumped before. Although, unlike Duncan, at least Logan had done her the courtesy of explaining exactly how she managed to completely ruin everything.

 

All right, focus, she told herself. Shaking herself from her inward spiral of thoughts. She was still standing in the spot where he’d left her. He left her. Logan Echolls, the man-whore, the unredeemable bad-boy had finally put his foot down and left her. She could still smell his cologne from where he’d touched her. It felt purposeful, it felt mean. Like he had put on too much that day knowing he was going to dump her. Knowing it would linger. Veronica sniffed the air again. It was fading a little. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. The sunshine blotting out and behind her lids a kaleidoscope appeared. She felt her chin wobble and a rush of tears head for escape. She took another deeper breath and brought her hand to her face, covering her eyes and clenching her temples.

 

Focus, Veronica, you know pain and this isn’t it, her mantra continued. Two more deep breaths and she was sure she could take her palm away without anyone knowing she was collapsing on the inside. She forced a smile onto her face before she allowed her eyes to open.

 

Well, that’s the way of the world isn’t it? The sun’s still shining, idiots are still walking about talking about classes, holding hands and gossiping with each other as though the world hasn’t ended. Veronica finally allowed her eyes to follow the direction that Logan would have left in.

 

Of course, he was long gone. No chance of him hanging around to see if his words struck pay dirt. Nope, it was a hit and run. So typical of Logan really—to just spew it out quickly without letting her say anything to defend herself.

 

His loss really, she told herself, who did he think he was. Logan Echolls. Poor little rich boy. Couldn’t handle a woman who thought for herself. So she’d been a little preoccupied. Did he happen to miss the fact that a rapist was on the loose? His busy schedule of surfing, gambling, and, what, weightlifting class surely hadn’t given him enough time to actually plan a breakup. Veronica rubbed her forehead, a frown pulling her face. A goodbye kiss, classic Logan--and he calls Trina dramatic.

 

As she rubbed away the last invisible traces of Logan’s kiss from her forehead, Veronica was hit with a cold realization, that’s our last kiss. Hot tears began to form on the corners of her eyes; shifting her bag over her shoulder, Veronica forced her legs to start moving….any where. She grabbed her phone looking at the time, but really for a distraction of any kind and saw she had missed texts from Mac.

 

_LUNCH STILL ON?_

_QUIT MAKING OUT WITH LOGAN AND GET OVER HERE!_

_SERIOUSLY WALLACE IS HANGRY AND I MAY HAVE TO START TALKING BASKETBALL TO DISTRACT HIM. THAT’S THE ONE WITH THE HOOPS AND THE RUNNING AND THE DRIBBLING, RIGHT? ;)_

 

Oh God. She was supposed to meet up with Wallace, Piz, and Mac for lunch.

 

“Time to put on your game face Mars.” She said through clenched teeth before testing out another smile and heading toward the campus cafeteria.

  

After escaping the awkward lunch with Mac and Wallace, saved only by Piz and his remarkable naïve belief that if Veronica said she was fine she actually was, Veronica hurried home to be alone.

 

Her God is not entirely a vengeful one, seeing as her father was on his way out of town, leaving her to sulk without having to answer a million questions. Although, her dad was probably out grabbing the money shot to end the relationship of some other poor sap, so still a pretty crummy God.

 

Veronica stood in the kitchen frozen and numb as her dad left. She watched him close the front door, still staring blankly with the stretched smile on her face quickly fading as she heard him shuffle down the stairs. She squinted an eye and focused her hearing intently to try and hear the beep of his car door unlocking and the sputter of the engine turning over. Satisfied that he was well and truly on his way, Veronica locked the door and looked around the apartment. Alone again, naturally.

 

Breathing an unsteady and shallow breath, Veronica felt her throat close and her knees tremble as she looked at the living room. She remembered waking up just a few weeks ago on the couch. Right after Logan has found her, like magic, in the parking lot drugged and a section of her hair shaved off.

 

 ******

 

She woke up groggy, it was still early morning, the sun was out but Veronica wasn’t sure what the time was. She had been in and out all night long, but as she began to wake up she remembered bits of the night before.

 

She had been in the cafeteria and started to feel strange. She’d headed back towards her car and…Veronica felt the back of her head. Yep, there definitely was a chunk of hair missing; a strange transition between silky long blond hair and sharply shortened edges poked her fingers.

 

Looking around the room Veronica saw Logan laying on the edge of the couch, asleep with her feet in his lap. His head was leaning on the back cushion; his barely ruffled spikes of hair nearly touching the wall. He was facing her. An uncontrollable smile took over, as she looked at his face in deep sleep. Without the arched brows, smirk, and expressive eye, Logan looked like a child. His long lashes fluttered against his cheeks as he slept and Veronica tried to imagine a time when life had been simple for Logan, when he was just a sweet, innocent child. As though Logan had read her thoughts, his brow wrinkled and his jaw clenched. No, there had been no sweet, innocent childhood for Logan, not with Aaron around.

 

Veronica’s head started to ache. Ahh, yes, nothing like the joys of waking up to the aftermath of GHB, she remembered this well. Veronica rubbed her temples and carefully lifted her legs off Logan’s lap.

 

As she quietly pushed herself off the couch she noticed her dad wasn’t in the room. He’d been asleep on the chair the last time she woke up. She stopped by his room on her way to the bathroom and noticed that his bed was made. And from the lack of heavy paws quickly padding after her, it looked like wherever her father had gone he’d taken Backup with him.

 

Veronica stood in front of her bathroom mirror and took a good look at herself as she quickly swallowed three ibuprofens. She looked all right. Maybe the circles under her eyes were a little darker than usual, but otherwise, not an entirely bad catch. She splashed some water on her face and started brushing her teeth when she heard a sharp hissing noise from her kitchen. “What the hell?” Veronica mumbled to her reflection. She ran her toothbrush under water and rushed back to the front room.

 

A bleary eyed Logan was standing in front of her coffee maker with a distinctly confused look on his face. Hearing footsteps, he turned towards her.

 

“You may not believe this, but I do actually know how to make coffee.” He said with an apologetic smile. His right hand went up to scratch the back of his neck as he shrugged. The gesture pulled his green t-shirt up just a bit, revealing a tantalizing hint of Logan’s hip above his low-slung jeans.

 

Heat rose from Veronica’s core up her chest, causing her heart to beat faster, and continued up to her cheeks as her eyes rose from Logan’s bare skin to meet his now smirking face.

 

“Well, if I’d known that’s all I had to do to turn you on, I would have battled medieval kitchen appliances much earlier in our relationship.” Logan said as he quirked an eyebrow at her.

 

Allowing him a tiny chuckle, along with a hearty eyeroll, Veronica edged in front of Logan to confront the mis-handled coffee pot. “It’s not medieval, it’s a fine working class coffee machine. You see, in most households coffee doesn’t just magically appear on a silver platter outside of your front door.”

 

“You don’t say?”

 

“Nope,” Veronica responded as she turned the machine off. “See first, you have to fill the pot with water…” She looked around the kitchen for the pot, reaching closely around Logan to grab the pot (the missing object that created the source of the original noise) and filled it with water in the nearby sink.

 

“Ohh.” Logan said feigning deep ignorance, “fill the pot with water you say,” his body leaning in against Veronica’s back.

“Mmmhmm,” Veronica briefly closed her eyes at the contact, feeling Logan’s left arm wrap around her waist, pulling her even closer as she lifted the pot of water to the machine. “Then, you lift up the top…and…and”

 

“…and what?” Logan asked innocently as his right hand brushed Veronica’s hair from her neck.

 

“…and” Veronica sighed, leaning into him and rolling her head back and to the side to reveal the bare neck he was craving, “and…then you…” Logan began placing delicate kisses on Veronica’s neck. His breath was hot against her throat, his left hand reaching up under her t-shirt to lightly grab her stomach while his right hand moved to cradle her chin, giving him more stability as he searched for the spot on Veronica’s neck that caused her to moan.

 

“Huh, uhhh ohhh, Logan,” Veronica quietly moaned as Logan hit the exact right spot. She tossed to pot aside and turned to face him, ”Honestly, I don’t know. It’s a medieval contraption, should have been retired with the guilliotine.”

 

With that Veronica grabbed Logan’s face on both sides with her hands and pulled him forward. She could feel his lips smiling against her own as she kissed him hard, pulling his lower lip between hers and teasingly biting it. Logan responded by wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her up, and spinning her around to set her on the opposite countertop.

 

She pulled back to look in his eyes, to see the lust and hunger clouding them over. Logan’s hands moved to her face and stopped her for a moment. He studied her face with a slight smile on his lips. Veronica looked up at him through a fringe of dark lashes before grinning up at him and tilting her head. He brushed his thumb softly across her lips before leaning in to delicately sweep his lips against hers. Echoing his delicate touch, Veronica brushed her knuckles gently down his cheeks; she felt the stubble that several days unshaved had left behind. Ignoring the reason behind the stubble, she lowered her hands to his chest. Grabbing his t-shift in her fists she pulled him closer and kissed him with renewed passion. Logan followed her lead, deepening the kiss and moving to run his hands through her hair. She felt Logan tense, his hands still in her hair.

 

“Wha-“ Her hair. She suddenly remembered why Logan was there to begin with and raised her own hand to cover his. Heat rose to Veronica’s cheeks again, but this time from shame and embarrassment. Her eyes moved to meet his, ready for another fight. Searching his eyes, she only saw concern and where anyone else might have pity, Logan’s only had love. Veronica curled her fingers around Logan’s hand, still hovered over the shaved spot on the back of her head. They held on, staring into each other’s eyes. After a minute Logan nodded and Veronica nodded back. And then, they were kissing again. Gently at first, tentative, but quickly Logan tighten his grasp and moved to her neck, once again finding the spot that only he could. Veronica focused on that, focused on her Logan. Pushing past the stubble, the previous fights, the disappointment in the men in her life, her fight with her father--

 

“Ohmygod Dad!”

 

“You know, of all the nicknames you’ve given me, I think that one’s the weirdest.” Logan chuckled against her neck. Veronica pushed him away and jumped off the counter.

 

“No, Dad. As in my Dad. My very trigger happy, PI father who happens to live with me.” Veronica paced the kitchen smoothing down her hair and looking around wildly for the coffee pot.

 

“Yeah, I’m familiar.” Logan said slowly, “but I was under the impression that we were alone in your home.” He looked around their tiny living quarters, “Keith are you in here? Keith? I’m planning on doing very naughty things to your gorgeous daughter and I prefer her nak-ooofh” Logan doubled over as Veronica punched him in the stomach.

 

“Shhhh.” Veronica said with a joking scowl as she went back to the job of putting coffee grounds in the machine and turning it on. “Do you have a death wish Echoll’s? This whole place is probably bugged!”

 

“You are the strangest girlfriend.” Logan smiled and put his arms around her.

 

“Yeah, but you love it.”

 

“What can I say, I must be insane, because I do. I love you Veronica.”

 

 ******

 

Veronica closed her eyes to the memory of them just a few weeks back and felt suddenly sick to her stomach. She ran to the bathroom, closed the door and leaned back against it. In the dark and silent bathroom she felt claustrophobic, even her clothes felt too tight, too binding.

 

She started the water for the shower and took off her clothes, throwing them on the ground of the bathroom like they could catch fire at any moment. There it was, the outfit she was wearing when Logan broke up with her. She stared at it, hard. It was ruined now forever. She’d never be able to wear that without thinking of Logan staring at the ground, kicking a rock on the ground, cutting her off and just..just ending it.

 

She jumped into the shower, and shivered against the freezing water. The shower was cold, just like her. That’s why Logan was really ending it right: Veronica Mars, frigid, cold, and now boyfriend-less loser. Logan had been the one person who understood her. What happened to epic? What happened to “they don’t write songs about the ones who come easy”? And just like that the wall that Veronica had held up all day long crumbled. The sobs came choking out in a rush, like she wasn’t in control of her own body, like her pain had infected her and was now taking over. She couldn’t catch her breath and started hiccuping through her tears.

 

Veronica fell to the floor; just the weight of holding her self up was too much. She leaned her back against the wall and brought her knees up to her chest, hugging them her arms around her legs. She rubbed her eyes against her knees, feeling a pulsating pain behind each socket. It felt a little better, hugging herself, almost like a friend.

 

The water finally ran hot and then began to run cold again before Veronica forced herself to crawl out. She was shivering, her teeth chattering, and her fingers and toes pruned. She wrapped herself in a towel and looked at herself in the mirror.

 

“Come on Veronica, pull yourself together.” She chastised her pitiful looking reflection. Red, swollen eye and blotchy skin looked back. “No wonder Logan broke up with you.”

 

She tried to smile at her reflection but it looked more like a grimace, so Veronica sighed. If nothing else at least she had the Hurst rapes to keep her busy. She gave her clothes on the floor a swift kick, “Take that loser clothes,” she grumbled as she made her way into her bedroom to change and start going over her notes.

 

With each step Veronica took away from the bathroom she felt herself harden. There was no time to worry about Logan. She was Veronica-freakin-Mars and if anyone could handle pain, it was her. She may be utterly exhausted, but, if nothing else, history had taught Veronica how to turn her bad day into someone elses. Now, who’s day was about to get very unlucky.

 


End file.
